Thursday, July 16, 2015

The Subjectivity of Beauty

Many women have written about the absurd rules that govern womanly beauty encouraged by models modelling for fashionable designers.  Everyone is inadequate to compare.  Therefore, I think it’s time for a man to offer his honest thoughts on the subject because I am your typical man when it comes to beauty. 
I’m sure there’s some primal instinct that attracts us men initially to the hourglass just as I'm sure there’s a primal instinct in women that attracts them to tall six packs.  That’s not the end game, however.  That’s not even the beginning.

Some men prefer blond hair.  Others brown.  Others black.  Many men particularly like red hair.  I myself have my own preference, but just because I like one colour doesn't mean I wouldn't marry some girl with another.  I could go on listing different preferences on other matters that interest men like me.  I understand that women have certain standards to rate men like height, muscle, grooming, and so on.  I am not particularly short or tall.  I do not own a six pack.  I do not dress well.  I do have other beautiful qualities, however, such as my eyes.

Men also banter-rate—“Oh, she’s a seven!”  I've overheard women doing the same.  But—what do these ratings mean in real terms?  What if a man wants to have a genuine romantic relationship with a woman that does not last a day?

Truth:  These standards mean almost nothing in the long term.  There are beautiful qualities in each person and there aren't.  But you don’t need everything.  Far from it.

When I am in a social situation, get into a conversation with a girl, and then decide that I might want to meet again and so ask for her number, I am not checking her out all the time even though she may feel that way.  I am not even trying to pursue something big yet, although if we connect strongly it might start there.  I simply want to continue the conversation.  A romantic relationship is a possibility that we may explore quickly or slowly later, but first I want to begin to know the girl.  The girl who eventually wins my heart won’t do so by the beauty of her body.  It’s the beauty of her character, the way we connect, that’ll do it.

Now—flash back to that social situation in which I get into a conversation with a girl.  You may argue that the girl’s outside beauty is what makes me begin to try to talk with her.  I will concede that that may play a part.  I have two observations on that issue, though.

1.  Most people are beautiful and not beautiful.  So, I’ll almost definitely see something that I like anyway—and that something might not amount to much.  If said girl is confident/not confident in a certain way I might try to strike up a conversation with her.

2.  Nine times out of ten, the girl I'm talking to at the beginning has friends.  If I end up not connecting with her, I might connect with one of her friends.

You don’t need to be a model for me or other men to fall in love with you.  I agree with others that these standards are absurd.  Those high standards that scare you don’t amount to much in the real world to real men.  I will ask you out on a date to know YOU, not your makeup.  I will think about falling in love with YOU, not your makeup.

This is not to say that we should all be sloths.  I make sure my suit and tie are perfect when I need them.  What this does say, however, is that you shouldn't worry overmuch about meeting that kind of standard.  You don’t necessarily need to prepare to go to a pub unless you want to.  A shirt and some jeans can usually do the trick.  We men will see you and your beauty anyway unless you actively try to hide it. Truth be told, when it comes to inner beauty and love, there are few if any standards.